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Avril wanted a joke!

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peteknopp View Drop Down
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    Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:33
The Bathtub Test

 During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how you
determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

 "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub."

 "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

 "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
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AdiLee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AdiLee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:35
The old ones are the best LOL
only one week to go
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AdiLee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:36
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?  SNOWBALLS!!!!
only one week to go
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peteknopp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:39
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.  Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'
The woman said, 'That's okay.'  For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.
The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'  So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.'  The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'  So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'
Moral of the story:  Women are clever.  Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers:
Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story:  Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS:  If you are a woman and are still reading this......it only goes to show that women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AdiLee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:42
pete,never has a truer word been said in jestClap
only one week to go
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote peteknopp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:43
Thank God for copy and paste. it would take me years to type in
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AdiLee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:47
I wonder how many women have logged off.................Only 3 weeks & 6 days to go
only one week to go
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 22:56
Hee, hee, Well done Pete, think it's time for some light hearted banter for xmas - think you should put ya own bloody kettle on mind, ya lazy ................!!
2013 - oh no 50!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 23:16
Woman looks in mirror and turns to her hubby. I'm old, fat and ugly she says - give me a compliment to cheer me up. He looks at her and replies " your eye sight's spot on" ............rolling%20on%20the%20floor
2013 - oh no 50!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gerry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 23:37
 On a golf  tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a  remote part of the Irish countryside. 


The pump  attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical  Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is. 


" Top of  the mornin to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and  bends forward to pick up the nozzle. 


As he does  so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. > "What are  those", asks the attendant. 


"They're  called tees" replies Tiger. 


"Well, what  on God's earth are dey for." inquires the Irishman. 


"They're  for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. 


"Fookin  Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of  everything"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jayjan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 23:45
LOLLOLLOLClap
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17/December/2008 at 23:48
 Belly%20Laugh 





2013 - oh no 50!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IAN&RIT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/December/2008 at 01:09
 1: When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her somewhere expensive.....so, I took her to a petrol station ..... and that's how the fight started....

2: I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Tennent's lager for £7.00. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for £4.50. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

3: After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your trousers. You might have got disability, too'. And that's how the fight started.....

4: My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating THAT long?' And that's how the fight started.....

5: I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it .... he was a DWARF !!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one ARE you?' And that's how the fight started..... 

 6: I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....
From the left hand seat
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/December/2008 at 09:00
" KNOCK KNOCK "
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jayjan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/December/2008 at 10:48
POST DELETED, Wouldnt like to upset anyone.Stern%20Smile

 
 
 
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